ff8?and Titanic?? ...noway!!!
by Jxws
Summary: I thank everyone for their support about what happen when my story was copied and I hope what happened to me won't happen to anyone of the authors. Also don't be too hard on that Annie girl, she did apologize and I think she lean her lesson. To those who


Note from Author: This is a story I wrote long time ago (last year). I just joined as an author so this is my first post. Please enjoy!!

By the way, I don't own any of the characters and blah blah blah, you know the rest.

"Rinoa, hurry up and get out of the car. Everyone is waiting!" said her Mum, Julia banging on the window.

"Wait, I need to put more makeup on. You wouldn't want me to look ugly when I get on the great Titanic!" she said as she put on more lipstick.

"Just hurry up!"

Slowly Rinoa opened the door and her fiancé Seifer came rushing to her side.

"Oh Rinoa you look-um …er…"

"Yes?"

"You look like Darth Maul from Star Wars!"

"What!?" she said and looked in the mirror. "Oh no, I guess I over did it with the lipstick."

"Here, let me help you dear." Said her Mum. She licked the handkerchief and rubbed it on Rinoa's face. "There, all better."

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Yuck! Thought Rinoa but she remained smiling and walked off to the ship. 

"Hmm, nice shit, I mean ship but are you sure it won't stink, I mean sink?" Rinoa asked a Steward.

"Of course it won't Miss, you are perfectly safe." Said the Steward.

Rinoa flung back her hair to flirt with him, but he took no notice, then another Steward came and they walked arm in arm towards the ship.

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Oh yeah, she thought to herself,_ all saliors are gay, I've got to remember that!_ She made a mental note then walked towards the ship.

"I've got five aces!" said a player.

"Oh yeah? I've got a Royal Flush!" said another.

Squall laughed and said. " Well boys, I've got a wagon wheel!"

Everyone gasped as Squall won and took the ticket to Titanic and the money.

"Gotta run now, bye!" he shouted and ran towards Titanic.

He went right through the line, pushing half the people off the rails. They all fell into the water swearing and cursing at him, but he took no notice. 

" Third class please!" he shouted in excitement and accidentally spat on the Steward's face.

"This way Sir," said the Steward wiping his face, he led him into his room.

"Woo la la…., nice place." Said Squall as he put his bag down.

"If you need me, I'll be at the entrance door." Said the Steward flapping his hand and winking at him, then he went off.

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Geeze, is it just me or is there something wrong with the stewards around here? He thought to himself, then wondered off to explore the ship.

Squall arrived at the ship's head and watched all these people still getting on. Slowly his eyes traveled through the crowd and saw a girl with lipstick all over her face flirting with some guy. She flung her long, black hair back and accidentally slapped the person next to her.

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Ha ha ha, he laughed to himself, _who would be stupid enough to fall for a girl like her?_

"Here we are darling, this is your room and the one across it is mine." Explained Seifer as he opened the door to Rinoa's cabin.

"Hmm, nice, very nice but its lacking something." She said a she looked around.

"What is it?"

"Well…can I have that blue diamond please?" She asked.

"No…I'm sorry Rinoa but my Mum is drawing a picture with it."

"Oh, who's drawing the picture?" she asked slightly amused.

"Umm…Er…My Dad is." Said Seifer looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Whatever, come on lets check out the shit- I mean the ship." She said.

"Why do you have trouble pronouncing the word ship?" He asked.

"Well, I always get sh and st words wrong." She said embarrassed.

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Why am I going to marry her? Seifer wondered to himself.

The Titanic started moving, speeding through the sea like skates on ice, so fast and quick it was unbelievable!

"I'm the king of the world!" cried Squall as he stood on the rails with the wind blowing through his hair. He had never felt happier in his life. 

He yelled towards the sea again. "I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the- er!"

Suddenly he felt his stomach heave. He bent over the rails and out came his breakfast.

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Seasick! He thought, _I never knew I could be seasick!_

He collapsed on the nearest bench and went straight to sleep.

"Rinoa, it's dinner time." Said her Mum from behind the door.

"Wait, I need to put more eye stadow- I mean shadow." She said.

"Alright sweetie, then I'll go first."

Rinoa finally put the finishing touches on and opened the door. To her surprise Seifer was waiting outside for her.

'Ohmygod, Rinoa! What happened to your eyes? Did someone punch you? Who did it? They'd pay for that!" Shouted Seifer angrily.

"What do you mean someone punched me?" Rinoa asked puzzled.

"Wait, hang on…that's eye shadow. Man! As soon as we get married, I'm going to find someone to teach you how to put your makeup on." He said, shaking his head.

Rinoa felt a sharp sting in her heart. She slapped him across the face and ran away blinded by tears.

"Oh…my…stomach!" groaned Squall as he threw up some more. "This is the worst day of my life!" He shouted.

Suddenly Rinoa ran to the rails and climbed up.

"Hey, are you crazy?" asked Squall coming towards her.

"Don't come any closer or I'll jump!" She shouted.

"Hey lady, if you don't let me go to the rails I'll have to throw up all over the ship." He said as he got a bit closer.

"Who cares about the shit- I mean ship!" 

"Well...would you like to live in my vomit?" Squall asked sarcastically.

"Well I won't live long enough to live in it." She said stubbornly.

With these words Squall vomitted all over her dress.

"You son of a toad! What did you do that for?" She cried in anger.

Suddenly her foot slipped and she was hanging on the rails.

"Help me!" She cried.

"I thought you wanted to die." Said Squall as he got her hand. "Geeze, how much do you weigh?" he asked using all his strength to pull her up. Rinoa falls on top of him, nearly squashing him like a pancake.

"Hey, you get away from her!" shouted Seifer, running towards them followed by a hippie looking Captain and some Stewards.

"I'm trying…help!" Squall cried.

Seifer pulled Rinoa off him and grabbed Squall by the collar.

"I'm going to charge you for sexual assault to my fiancée!" He shouted in his face.

"Er…excuse me, but how could I assault her when she's on top of me!" Squall shouted back with spit flying everywhere.

"Well the young man has got a point there." Said the Captain doing a peace sign.

"Then what am I suppose to do? Charge my fiancée for assaulting a man?" Seifer said sarcastically.

Rinoa now looked really ticked off, she came over and spat John's in the face.

"For your information I came here to commit suicide but that young man threw up all over me. Then I slipped and he pulled me up and I landed on top of him. There are you happy now?" She said in tears.

"Well, then the boy is a hero." Said the Captain.

"Whatever, here is 20 bucks." Said Seifer taking out his wallet.

"Is that all my life is worth?" asked Rinoa, she snatched the wallet and gave it to Squall.

For the first time, Squall took a proper look at her. What was quite pretty with her long black hair and shiny dark eyes but there was faint trances of purple eye shadow.

"Thank you." He said.

"Why don't you join us for dinner?" Said Rinoa ignoring the expression on Seifer's face. "Sorry that I haven't introduced myself yet, my name is Rinoa." She giggled a bit.

Er...My name is Squall." He said.

"Hi Squall. Then join us for dinner tomorrow okay?" 

"O-okay." He stuttered.

They all walked off, leaving Squall stunned for a few seconds.

Suddenly out of no where a fat woman appeared.

"Hi I'm your fairy godmother." She said holding out her wand.

"My what?!" 

"Your fairy godmother." She repeated. "I'm going to get you a tuxedo and a handy bandy book so you can win that girl."

"What?" He said again but the fat woman disappeared leaving the book and the tuxedo suit.

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This is definitely a weird day! He thought as he gathered the stuff the fat woman left him. 

So the next evening they all sat down to dine, but in the middle of it Squall accidentally spitted in Seifer's face. 

"Oops…sorry," he said, embarrassed.

"How dare you!" Seifer came up and grabbed him by the collar.

"Break it up, boys, I know you both like me," said Rinoa, flinging back her hair.

"Shut up!" shouted Seifer.

"Hey, that's no way to treat a lady!" said Squall angrily.

"That's enough, boys," called someone behind them. "You know what this calls for?"

"What?" they said together.

"This calls for the show: Who wins the girl!" the man shouted.

Half an hour later everyone in the ship took a seat at the Great Hall.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Who Wins The Girl!" shouted the announcer. "Now put your hands together for you host, Sarah Michelle Gellar!"

Everyone clapped and hooted and cheered.

"The reason why we are here today is to work out who will win Rinoa," she said, smiling at the audience, "Our first contestant is Seifer!"

Seifer appeared on the stage, waving and smiling. He cheered for his favourite basketball team and shouted, "Hi Mum!" then sat down.

"I'm glad you're here Seifer. So what makes you like Rinoa so much?" she asked.

"Well…to tell you the truth I don't know," he said.

"Whatever, now put your hands together for our other contestant Squall" she shouted.

Squall appeared and all the girls hooted and screamed. "He's so cute!" He sat down and smiled at Sarah.

"Hi, so welcome to the show Squall! By the way, do you think me and you have a chance?" she asked battering her eyelashes.

"Sorry to disappoint you but you're not even suppose to be in this story. Maybe next time." He said and waved to Rinoa from back stage.

"Suit yourself, now here comes Rinoa the girl they both want." Said Sarah coldly.

Rinoa smiled sweetly and to Squall and Seifer's relief she wasn't wearing any makeup.

"Alright Rinoa, you can sit on the other side and our first task is… 'Answer the question!'" She cheered.

Sarah read out the first question, "Seifer, which actress plays Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

Seifer scratched his head.

"Er…Katie Homles?"

You're a *@#%*$! How can you get it wrong? It's me!" She shouted angrily, "Well anyway Squall, if you and the girl of your dreams are in a romantic restaurant, what would you say?"

Squall took out his handy bandy handbook from the fat fairy godmother and checked to see the answer, it said:

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If you go to any restaurant its better to say, "Pass me the salt."

"Er… Pass me the salt." Said Squall.

"Correct!" Shouted Sarah as the crowd roared. "Now your task is… 'Fight your shadow!' Who wants to go first?" 

"You!" they both shouted pointing at each other.

"Ok, Rinoa you can choose." Said Sarah.

Rinoa did iny- miny- miney- moe to them and Seifer had to go first.

10 minutes later Seifer came out smiling, "I defeated him!" he shouted running around like a headless chicken.

Squall slowly walked into the room, he looked around and saw a man who looked just like him.

"You!" he shouted.

"You!" the man shouted back.

Squall ran around and it did the same, he tried to punch him but the shadow blocked at the same time.

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It seems to know my every move, thought Squall. He went to a corner and got out the handy bandy book.

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Do this if someone knows your every move:

    1. Pretend to kill yourself.
    2. Act like a chicken.

Squall tried to bang his head on the wall but so did the shadow. He did a chicken dance but the shadow copied him which made Squall burst out laughing. He went back to the book to see of there was anything else.

If a) and b) both don't work try this:

    3. Act gay.

Squall went to the shadow, flung his hair back and flapped his hand trying to look like one of the Stewards on the ship. This time the shadow did not copy him. He started crying and Squall took the opportunity to whack him on the head. Squall came out the room looking very proud.

"Squall beat the shadow too but unfortunately it took him 11 minutes so Seifer won." Said Sarah. Behind her, Seifer was jumping up and down happily.

"Alright, now for the final task…wait where's that paper!" She said going through her hand-bag.

"I'm better than you Squall, I beat my shadow in 10 minutes." Smirked Seifer.

"Yeah by being gay of course you're better." Said Squall laughing.

" How did you know?" 

"It is the only way to beat your shadow."

"Well, I'm more macho than you!" roared Seifer as he pushed Squall.

Oh yeah? You can be the macho one out of all the Stewards!" Shouted Squall shoving him back.

"Alright break it up boys, we can see who is the most macho once you karoke to macho man" said Sarah as the music began playing.

They both grabbed a microphone and started singing.

Seifer: _Macho, macho man- I want to be a macho man!_

Squall: _Macho, macho man- I want to be a macho man!_

The crowd roared with laughter as they finished singing.

"Um…to tell you the truth, I like a girly type of guy." Said Rinoa jokingly.

"Alright then, they can karoke to Barbie girl!" Shouted Sarah, "And they can do the cancan as well."

"Damn!" muttered Squall and Seifer together.

The music started as Seifer got ready to go first.

Seifer:_ I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world._ ( He did the cancan as people fainted from laughter).

Squall:_ My life is plastic, it's fantastic._ (He tried to use his high pitched voice but he sounded like a screaming teapot).

Seifer: _You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere._

Squall: _It's imagination, life is your creation. _

Finally the song ended but to their horror most of the people were on the floor with dead white faces.

"Hey, what happened?" asked Seifer.

"Oh-my-god, you killed them!" Shouted Sarah.

"Hey, you were the one who gave us the song!" Said Squall.

"Well…she gave me the idea!" Sarah shouted pointing at Rinoa.

"Hey, why blame me? You had the choice to sing it or not!" Rinoa shouted back.

All of a sudden they felt something crushed into the ship.

They all ran up the deck and realized an iceberg hit them.

"The shit is stinking! The shit is stinking!" Shouted Rinoa.

"What?!" shouted everyone.

"I mean the ship is sinking! The ship is sinking!" she repeated herself.

With those words Seifer hopped on to a lifeboat and peddled away before anyone can shout _Titanic_.

"I think I need to go now." Said Sarah as she hopped into her time machine.

"Alright everyone, pick up a body and throw it into the water please! If you don't do it then I will sing Barbie girl again!" Shouted Squall.

Everyone ran around picking a body and throwing it overboard.

They all ran for the boats and hopped on, Rinoa and Squall got on a single boat together.

Rinoa was studying the stars in the sky as wind blew through her hair. A shooting star caught her sight as it raced across the sky. She pointed at the sky smiling, wondering if Squall made a wish. Just then she saw Squall smile and bend his head down to kiss her.

Hey, do you like my story?? Please review and tell me!! 

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